Though my jeans still fit…

  Can we all just pretend I have a hugely pregnant belly right now and thus be excused from focussing on anything except the planning, preparation and anticipation of meeting my son? Cuz this little guy is always on my mind, and I mean always. 

As I do a puzzle with Jeremy I wonder what Matthew plays with. As I make an after school snack I wonder what he likes to eat. As I tuck my babies in at night I wonder if he’s hearing a lullaby, if anyone prays over him as he drifts off to sleep half a world away. 

A mothers worry and wonder begin long before her child is in her arms – ask any “expectant” mom (pregnant or waiting). Surely I can’t be expected to remember to sign home reading folders, make sure theory homework is done, or remember when I last washed the kids sheets because I’m kind of parenting in two places right now. And it’s kind of a lot, to have your heart stretched so thin. 

So please excuse my scatter-brained, fully distracted and inward-focussed self these days. It might be more obvious if I was waddling, but remember that I am expecting too. And though I don’t have the usual physical symptoms – sore hips and heartburn, this time I have a whole lot more heartache. 


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