Happy New Year! We had a quiet New Year’s celebration that included take-out, movies and board games and in recent years that seems to suit us just fine. After a feeling a little sad over Christmas, I welcomed New Years, trusting and hoping that 2015 will be the year that little one joins our family.
I’ve had this song playing in my head on repeat pretty much all of Christmas break. Partly because Mac Powell’s voice is so deep and emotional and rich, but partly because the chorus puts to words the aches in my heart. I’ve tried so hard to carry on as usual, but my heart is heavy knowing someone is missing. I’ve been pregnant before on Christmas, and enjoyed the kicks and movements and fun anticipation of baby-to-come, but this year, the sense that baby-to-come is already out there and not with us and missing out, was often in the back of my mind.
It’s a wild ride, this adoption journey. There are moments of such excitement, anticipation and joy, and moments of heartache and longing, as well as moments of sheer terror, of panic and what-are-we-getting-ourselves-into? But, over all of it, is such a clear, firm, reassuring sense that God is in this. God has called us to this, and there is a little one out there who will someday be part of our family. It’s a crazy faith ride, trusting God more than ever before. And that’s exactly where we want to be. Trusting God, not relying on ourselves. Giving all we have to follow him in where he’s leading. We are privileged to be on this journey, to be in a place of relying on God, to have our hearts stretched and our faith grow.
There’s a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for her momma’s arms at an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are
But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine
It’s Christmas time again but you’re not home
Your family is here and yet you’re somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in His arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you a Merry Christmas