Progress

Thanks for praying. We’ve figured out the massive problem that was slowing us down and are moving forward. Making progress. Wrapping up our homestudy in the next little bit and attending part two of the four-day mandatory adoption education classes this weekend. I filled out Part 1 of the Citizenship paperwork yesterday too. Small steps in the right direction. Moving forward.

Thinking of our little one and praying for Africa continually these days.
<br />
IMG_7242.JPG

Advertisements

Discouraged

More hiccups and bumps and frustrations on our adoption journey today. Would you please pray? Feeling very discouraged. Trying to remember why we are doing all this heart wrenching, tiresome and frustrating work. Adoption is not an easy road for anyone involved in it.

NEW Adoption Jewelry items

I’ve been working hard with the help of some wonderful friends to make and package up adoption jewelry these last few weeks. I have several new designs I’m excited to share with you. We will have everything available for purchase at our Christmas Coffeehouse event so you can stock up on Christmas gifts. I’m offering a little pre-sale right now, especially for those who can’t make it to our event. All jewelry items are $15 or 3 for $40 and yes, you can mix and match between all items. (Shipping is $2 extra and I’ll mail your purchase to you)

NEW – Necklaces

key necklace

All necklaces come in the same lovely antiqued silver finish as the bracelets and look great worn (or given as a gift!) together. The delicate silver chains are nice and long (35″ unless otherwise stated) and have a slight shine to them. I’m so happy with how they turned out!IMG_3358

Currently in stock are:
15 long silver feather necklaces
5 long silver branch necklaces
10 long large leaf necklaces
14 long silver key necklaces
5 long three arrow necklaces

I also currently have just 2 special edition GOLD key necklaces (33″) They are 16 ct. gold platted and the delicate chains have beautiful tiny gold beads every inch or so. I LOVE these necklaces!

IMG_3375

1 silver sideways cross necklace (18″) They are tiny and simple and can be worn everyday.

sideways cross

1 silver sideways arrow necklace (18″)

IMG_3363

I still have many bracelets currently in stock. They are antiqued silver charms on a faux-suede cord (white, grey, or black) and are finished at the back with a silver lobster clasp and dangle bead.

IMG_2256IMG_2273

Bracelets currently in stock:
Anchor: 5 black, 3 white, 1 grey
Cross: 4 white, 4 black, 3 grey
Circle: 1 black, 1 grey
Infinity: 1 white, 1 black, 1 grey
Branch: 3 grey
Celtic knot: 4 white, 4 black, 6 grey

IMG_3370

Please pop me an email at melissakroeker{at} gmail {dot} com if you’d like to order any of these items before they’re gone! Thanks for your support!

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving was this past weekend. The holiday has always been a little depressing for me, (It’s been 12 years since I was with my family for Thanksgiving – since I left for college) but this year knowing our family is not complete, that baby Kroeker is an ocean away…didn’t help. I was all on my own to cook a turkey dinner and all the fixings. While my family appreciated it and we had a nice quiet weekend, it wasn’t the same.

I’ve been following a blog for many years of a mom in the States with 4 bio kids and 1 adopted daughter, and I remember going on the emotional journey with her a few years ago as she chronicled her adoption on her blog. I’m re-reading the adoption posts again that coincide with were we are in the process, and it’s so helpful. To know my feeling and frustrations and emotions are normal, to know I’m not alone in this crazy thing we’re doing…it’s wonderful. Adoption is a really hard really difficult process, and it feels very alone. I’m thankful for blogs and facebook groups and “virtual” support from friend/strangers who have walked this road before me. Here are some of her words that have resonated with me today.

I know it sounds crazy to some to be consumed with love for a child that I don’t have a name or face for, but that is the case. This wait. This unknown. This wondering where my little one is…alone? fed? safe? seen?……nothing could have prepared me for this.

So, I’m waiting. Still waiting. In the wait, I will sow the tears of separation. I’ll find ways to celebrate the bliss of today and beg God that soon I’ll be singing a new song of joy. (from here)

And so I give thanks, for all that I have, and for what is to come. It’s a complicated balance, aching and longing and finding contentment and joy here in the everyday too. A very good friend of mine gave me some good advice a few months back. She reminded me in all my thoughts and energy devoted to the adoption, to be careful not to miss what’s going on around me right now.

Wise words.

And so I’ll climb into each of the beds of my three at night and listen to the details of their day, pause what I’m doing to snuggle with my curly-haired three year old who constantly wants to snuggle, and hold little hands a little tighter as we walk to school. Though a part of my heart is in Africa, I have so much here I’m thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving, little one.

(You can read the rest of Ashley’s Ann’s adoption blog archives here.)

What I wasn’t expecting.

photo

There has been a recent baby boom in the Kroeker fam circle of friends and family. Four babies have been born to people we know in the past two weeks alone. And as I held a newborn and breathed in that sweet newborn smell wafting from its soft fuzzy little head, I thought my heart might break in two.

Goodness, I can’t even type these words without a lump in my throat.

I’ve read up on how our child will experience grief and loss, how they will in their own way mourn for things out of their control, but I had no idea that I would feel the same way. Now.

And as I loved on a friend’s precious tiny new one, it hit me. I would never get to hold our child as a newborn. Never smell their little head. I’d miss those little baby hiccups, their first bath, first smile. I’ll never swaddle them tight, a maneuver I’ve perfected, never see them with their legs still scrunched up from being in the womb so long. I have warm fuzzy memories of those first hours after birthing my other babies, of sweet cuddles and special moments just between them and me. And I won’t have those moments or memories with our new little one.

And my heart breaks, not for just all that I’m missing, but for the fears and wonder surrounding our child’s birth and birth mother. Was my child held and snuggled in those first few hours? Did anyone soak in those early moments, rub their soft hair or gaze in wonder as they opened their big brown eyes for the first time?

And now here is the part of the blog post where I’m supposed to change directions. The rules of successful writing requires me to bring you, the reader, around. This is the part of the story where we head up. I’ve taken you down the U shape, to the problem at the bottom, and now we should come back up to the top, the resolution, the happy ending.

But there isn’t one.

Adoption is brokenness. It’s born out of loss. It’s not anybody’s plan A.

Adoption is a Band-Aid on a gaping wound.

God’s perfect plan for our little one would be a whole and complete loving birth family. We are plan B. And I’m so happy to be a part of God’s marvelous plan B for our little one. But the ramifications of this reality still hurt. Deeply. Adoption is a result of grief and loss and so much pain. Pain I didn’t know I would feel. I was not expecting this.

And so I grieve, and try desperately to trust, and pray that someone is loving on my little one, until I can one day hold them, and whisper sweet words and prayers over them. Until I can tell them that they are wanted, loved, and chosen.

While much of our journey is exciting, there’s a part that is heart-wrenchingly hard. Thank you for walking with us.