Full.

I used to get it all.the.time.

I was usually out with big red our second vehicle double stroller, and often one or more children were crying, one or more children were attempting to run away, and it usually involved piles of groceries, racks of candy at toddler level, and one very long line up. Today, however, I had none of those things, but I still got “the line.”

(Mama’s of littles…say it out loud with me….)

“Boy, you sure have your hands full!”

Really. 

Really?

Today I went to the library with my three. We walked/biked/scootered in the crazy heat, and arrived red-faced but in good spirits, happy to bring home some new books to while away the summer days. We had just hunted down the French language program that was waiting for me via inter-library loan, and I had just finished saying to my crew, “Thanks for being so patient, guys. Now we can go to the kids section.” 

My kids were quietly walking towards the brightly coloured kids area, at least one still adorably donning a bike helmet.

And someone muttered it in passing. I paused, and actually said “pardon me?” to the older gentleman, giving him every opportunity to rescind his comment, not sure I heard him correctly, when he repeated it again. In front of my children.

“Boy, you sure have your hands full!”

And I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. My initial thought was that it was so ironic that he chose that moment to say it. My kids were actually being wonderfully well-behaved. We were at the library, getting resources on learning a foreign language, quietly walking through the adult section like little blonde ducks in a row. And this guy thinks my hands are full now?

A couple slightly snarky comments came to mind: “You’re right, where am I going to put the fourth one?” “This is nothing, you should see them when they’re hangry!” But mostly, I felt sad. Sad for my kids who are hearing adults devalue their very existence. Sad that they are viewed by some as a nuisance. Sad for this man and others who see children as an inconvenience.

I’m tired of being told my hands are full. I’m well aware that my life is busy and at times a little crazy. But I chose this and I believe with all my heart that it’s worth it. I’m confident that right now my time could not be better spent anywhere else.

And now, I’m choosing adoption. While I thank the Lord for the awesome ability to carry and birth children, I’m choosing adoption now as a way to build my family. Because. I know it doesn’t make sense. But we’re choosing it because God is calling us to it, and my goodness, it’s so worth it.

And if that guy seriously thinks my hands were full today…I hope I run into him next summer with another little one in tow!

Because with my hands this full, it means my heart is absolutely overflowing.

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