Break my heart

break my heart

Close family and friends have known for years about our desire to add to our family through adoption. To those select few, this news is no surprise and they’re excited that the time has finally arrived for us to pursue this dream. But to go all facebook official, is scary a little intimidating. I get that not everyone gets it. To many, it probably seems a little crazy to add to our family through adoption when we could just do it biologically. But it really comes down to this:

God has called us to this, and we’re sure.

Because 153 million orphans in the world need families.

Because several years ago, I prayed earnestly that God “break my heart for what breaks yours”. (Do you know that rad Brooke Fraser song?) Those words were my hearts’ prayer for months.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

I asked the Lord to show me real need, to look outside of my own stuffy self-centered world, and see things differently.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

And God broke my heart for children. For orphans. For the abandoned. For the unloved. For kids in awful situations. There are literally millions of kids in the world desperate for a Mom.

And I’m a mom.

And while my guilt-ridden parenting is hopelessly imperfect, my Jesus is enough. For the tough days, and the impossible days.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

He did. And while my heart is so delightfully full of three beautiful blondies, there’s still room for more.

And while we’d often talked about adoption in the pipe-dream sense, it got real about three years ago. Soon after Jeremy was born, we learned of a coworker of a friend who found she was unexpectedly pregnant.Our friend shared this with us, asking us to pray that this coworker would choose to keep the baby, as she was scared and confused, unmarried and in her early thirties, and currently weighing her options. We talked and prayed and cried over this baby and its uncertain future. And we felt God asking us if we were serious about this adoption talk. So we told our friend to let the coworker know that if she’d not abort the baby we’d do everything we could to support and help her and that we’d adopt her baby when it was born.

But before anyone could change her mind, she aborted that baby.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours. And my heart absolutely broke for this one.

So this, in a way, began the serious part of our adoption journey. I’ve spent the last three years reading books, blogs, and talking with friends who have adopted, learning all that I can. And as Jeremy approached his third birthday this spring, we decided that the time was now to officially begin the process. Honestly, Steve’s been on board for a much much longer. He’s patiently waited for me to be ready. With birth order guidelines and a rule about adopting a child at least one year younger than your youngest, Jeremy turning three has lined up with many details that have pointed to now being the right time to start the part-time paperwork job that international adoption is. We unexpectedly moved earlier this year to a bigger 4 bedroom house as well. This really was the last requirement we needed to make this journey official. I love when we can look back and see God’s hand at work providing and lining things up when we had no idea while it was happening.

So….Welcome to our adoption journey. Thanks for following along with us, and cheering from the sidelines. It is our prayer that this journey not only changes us, but makes a difference to so many others too. That more kids get adopted, that more global awareness is raised, but mostly that all our hearts break for what breaks the heart of God. That we look outside our own little world, and ask God to show us where we can serve, what we can do. He may not be calling you to adoption, but what is He calling you to? I dare you to ask Him.

break my heart~ Melissa


Family Birthdays

Every time we celebrate a birthday in our family, we always take a family photo with the cake. It’s a tradition we started when Noah turned one and have continued with each child and each birthday. As we took this picture I couldn’t help but feel like someone was missing. Looking forward to having one more sweet face in these pictures, and one more birthday to celebrate each year.


Other African Options

I spoke with our social worker last week and while we still wait indefinitely on Guinea, she mentioned a second option that we might pursue if the Guinean Government won’t permit a BC adoption. Another couple from our agency recently finalized an adoption from South Africa. The catch with SA, apparently, is that you have to show evidence of being an active evangelical Christian in order to adopt from SA.


Talk about playing the Reverend card!

Combined with it being a relatively quick stay and process (some African countries require months of living in their country before can leave with your child which is not an option for us with three bio kids waiting at home), and it’s an English-speaking country (big bonus), we are considering South Africa as a “plan b” country to adopt from, if Guinea doesn’t work out. We are still trusting and praying that we can adopt from Source de Vie, as this ministry is where our heart is. But to a slight control freak person who likes to be prepared, a plan B sounds good to me.

Either way, we are trusting that there is a future Kroeker waiting for us somewhere in Africa.

And that makes my heart very happy.

~ Melissa

And the waiting begins…

Waiting is the name of the game when it comes to adoption. And very early on in the process it begins.

The waiting game.

Several weeks ago our agency sent a letter through the BC government to the Guinean Government formally requesting permission to begin an adoption. Because it’s never been done between BC and Guinea before. Because this process isn’t big and hard and scary exciting and awesome enough…we’re going to attempt something new on top of things.

Because our God is big.

Because our God is calling us to step out in obedience.

Because there are tiny helpless babies, image-bearers of the Creator, thrown out in the trash.

Because this isn’t about us.

And so we wait. And while it’s frustrating to know that things are being held up because of the government, we’re forced to rely on God and his timing. Already. (I’m confident this lesson will be repeated a few times)

I spoke with our social worker today and she said that they have resent the request to Guinea. Because they’re awesome and proactive, and they know that some governments often need a friendly nudge or two. Because important things like this are often lost, misplaced, or just not dealt with. I knew there was lots of waiting involved in this process, but I assumed it would come much further down the line. I thought there was a lot that we could do in the early months to get the ball rolling. And here we are in a holding pattern and we’ve just begun.

We are excited and hopeful, and also kind of stuck.

Waiting. Dreaming. Praying. Trusting.

~ Melissa